Zeke had plans. Plans for the future. Plans on what he was going to do with life.
His plans began with him dropping out of university on Tuesday morning. With the best of luck, he planned to follow through with his plans by Thursday evening. He was motivated, more so than he had ever been before.
Zeke’s plans were not new. It was something that he had always wanted to do, but had never had the courage for. Instead he’d ended up at university. A place in which he felt he had never belonged.
Zeke would’ve liked to erase all evidence of his having been to university. But records of such a thing were clearly not of public domain. There was absolutely no way he could delete his academic record without having proficient knowledge in computing, which he didn’t. Zeke would’ve liked to erase all his academic records. He didn’t want anyone to know where he had gone to school, or how well he had done throughout his years of education. This was supposed to be a fresh start. His plan would work better if there was no history holding him back.
Zeke had been pushed to follow through with his plans when he heard news of his parent’s house being burnt down. Of course, his parents had been fine. So had half of the house. So the situation was half okay. The house was half liveable. The garage was one of the places worst hit. Situated on the left side of the building, adjoined to the kitchen, the garage had caught fire only four minutes after the blaze in the kitchen had begun. Zeke’s parents had been lucky. They were out of home during the event. They had missed out on the heat of the fire.
The garage had doubled as a storage space. Neither of Zeke’s parents had owned a car. They didn’t travel far enough to need one. Instead what caught fire, were memories. Zeke’s childhood had been set alight. Memories of his past now only existing in cognitive memory.
He had been surprised to hear the news, but relished in it anyway. This was his chance. He could finally pursue his dream without having the physical presence of his past hang over him like a predator hangs over its prey. He could move on with his life. Now he just had to destroy his own belongings. He was adamant about eradicating remnants of his past.
By Tuesday afternoon, Zeke had called his landlord to terminate the lease to his apartment. The evening was spent packing up. He’d spent fifteen dollars on twelve boxes. He’d only used nine. To end the evening, Zeke shared a glass of merlot with himself and Chinese takeout. He put himself to bed at 2am.
Wednesday morning had started late. It started on Wednesday afternoon. Zeke had slept in. When he finally awoke, he could hardly pull himself out of bed. He was tired, but this was nothing new. Zeke didn’t mind that he was late to start the day. What he had planned wouldn’t take very long, and after a hot shower, he was giddy with excitement. He was more than ready for it to be Thursday evening already. Things would be different by then. He would be a new person.
The day went by fairly smoothly. Zeke packed the boxes into his car and donated what he could to charity. He threw away the rest. All that was left in his apartment was the furniture, but Zeke had no intention of getting rid of it. His apartment had come fully furnished, so there was no way he could have done so anyway.
He paid a visit to the bank to take out money and terminate his account. The teller had questioned why he had wanted to do so. She even offered a better deal, a better account, a better credit card. Zeke declined all offers. He could have left after getting his money, but really, he was in no rush. He told her he would be joining a new bank. He had no intention of doing so. His money would be left with his parents for safekeeping.
Zeke’s next stop was a second hand car dealership to sell his car. He didn’t get much for it. The car had been old since he had first bought it. He had been the third owner. It was nothing special.
He took the bus home. It was a short 30 minute ride. Once he got home, Zeke ordered a large pepperoni pizza. There was no food in the fridge, he wouldn’t be here in a day or two, so he didn’t need any. A glass of wine joined Zeke once again as he sat in his living room listening to music that had been created way before he had even been born. He vowed he would finish the bottle tomorrow.
Zeke stayed in bed on Thursday morning. He stayed in bed on Thursday afternoon. He’d struggled to get to sleep last night and had woken up at noon but couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed until quarter past three. He laid in bed and thought about the day. He thought about his promising future, and he thought about his daunting past. He shed tears that he had been holding in for weeks now. He was going to be a different person. He wasn’t going to let his past hold him down like weighted shackles anymore.
His shower was cold, then warm, and then cold again. He stepped out shivering and towelled himself off. He needed the cold to calm his nerves. He felt a combination of euphoria and deep fear. His plans were working out better than he had thought, but the last few hours would be crucial.
Around six o clock, Zeke went online and deleted all his social media accounts. He didn’t need the distractions.
Dinner was leftover pizza. Zeke emptied the last of the merlot into a wine glass and gulped it down. Liquid courage. He would need it for his meeting later on tonight. Everything depended on it. He’d already given up his stuff. There was no way he was willing to fail this.
At eight-thirty, Zeke took out the bin. His nerves were getting to him, and he’d wished more than anything he’s had the courage to go to a doctor to diagnose his anxiety, then at least he’s have some anti-anxiety meds to calm him down.
Back in his apartment, Zeke went to his closet and picked out the only shirt and tie that he’d left behind. He buttoned up slowly and looped the tie around his neck stalling for a minute or two as he tried to recall how one was tied.
At nine o clock, Zeke’s meeting began and he was no longer filled with fear, instead he was determined. He was determined more than anything to see it through. This was what he had been pining for, for more than six years. He’d planned this since he was fourteen. This was his dream. This was everything. This was the moment when Zeke pulled the trigger. This was his definition of true happiness.
– Priscillamf (Fall 2015 as part of a short fiction collection for a creative writing class).
(I turn 21 today. Adulthood is a strange place, a weird feeling, a necessary being).